you miss him sometimes but
he isn’t worth it. remember,
sometimes you missed him
when he was here too.
you know, I never cried over
the boy that broke my heart,
I think I was too surprised.
you have a room of ghosts and
a wardrobe of skeletons that
convince you that you’re scared
of the dark, until one night
you wake up and it’s 4am
and there’s a storm
outside the window, but your
heart is steady.
your heart is calm.
‘you’re late. again.’
I smile in acknowledgement of my
chemists worry, of the time he took
wondering when I was coming to
collect my medication this month.
‘you can’t starve your body like
this, what if something happened?’
we bonded over his mother and I
having the same name and now
he worries when I don’t come
on time (every month). ‘I’m really sorry’
people are always moving in or
out of my building, the stairs
rumble with the effort of keeping
this four storey building together,
like lovers that know they should
leave, this building attracts the
hopeless and the hopeful together.
‘I have feelings that are in your
direction’, I tell the boy with
blonde hair and kind eyes.
tomorrow maybe we will hold
hands and I’ll put my head in his
lap, or maybe we will stop this
journey before it gains any momentum.
the world is moving so fast,
and yet, I feel so small,
it’s been a year darling,
what are you doing here?
he has kind eyes and a gait that
is unsure, uncertain but fills me
with a steady reassurance.
i am finished with feeling wounded,
it is time for the scars to heal and
the sun to shine bright on me
because i deserve it. i deserve a
love that is unfaltering, unwavering,
full of earnest and true intentions.
life is complicated, our hearts cannot
always conquer, our hearts cannot always
what did you expect darling, that i would
be waiting? it’s been a year now,
leave me be.